Stained Glass Pilgrimage | St. Anthony of Padua Church in Eunice, LA

Returning Home

I visited St. Anthony Church in Eunice as I do most Saturdays. My husband and I typically alternate attending our dedicated Holy Hour in the perpetual adoration chapel there, and today it was my turn. I made my escape from our house a little ahead of schedule as he and the kids were napping, all too eager for my time with Jesus! And just as I was hoping, the silence and the fresh smell of the newly renovated chapel greeted me like an old friend. Do you know the kind of friend I’m referring to? The one you’ve known longer than you can remember, that you trust more than most people, and you’ve managed to put off visiting far too long because life keeps getting in the way. Then you finally see them after months (or has it been a year already?), and it’s like time hasn’t passed at all. Like returning home. 

The usual work of settling down and quieting my mind took no time at all. It’s been a particularly rough week – who am I kidding? it’s been a rough forever – at home with 3 toddlers and pregnancy hormones. Life feels like unending chaos. My struggle against a lack of patience, virtue, and sleep feels like an unending defeat. I was too ready to empty myself and just breathe in the quiet of my friend, Jesus, and His peace. And because you can’t hide anything from a friend like that, we got straight to it. “How, Lord? How am I supposed to do this? I want to be a good mother and I just don’t feel like I can.” 

Finding Hope in the Hidden

Before I got to this point, though, because I was early for my hour, I had gone into the church to look for the stained glass listed on The Light Project’s pilgrimage card. What a privilege it is to be alone in a quiet church! St. Anthony’s is large and features a lot of elaborate stained glass. If I hadn’t been looking for this specific piece, though, I surely would have missed it. Rather than among the tall, prominent windows along each side wall, this one is located in the choir loft above the organ pipes. Alone and almost hidden. But there she was. Mary! Always our Good Mother. Behind the congregation and directly across from the main focal point of the church: the painted image of the Trinity on the dome above the sanctuary. 

The glass is a radial pattern of three-petaled, white lilies. A common symbol of Mary, but also a symbol of the Triune God. How beautiful that the two share a symbol when they are so married to each other. Mary is the Mother of God. She is also the spouse of the Holy Spirit, and let’s not forget that she is, first, daughter of God the Father. She reminds me that I am also more than one thing and must build upon a relationship with a “whole” God to see myself and to live completely, which was a good reminder for the reflection that took place in my adoration hour that followed. 

Maybe the question I should be asking – or rather, the answer to that initial question – is “Who am I really?” Am I really failing at being a good mother? Or have I neglected the other relationships that are there to feed the many aspects that I need to help me be whole and happy? If the chaos is too much to handle because there is no balance with the silence, then the same is also true of the imbalance in everything I give my time and focus to. It makes sense that I see myself becoming an overbearing (and unhappy) parent because I put more energy into that area of my life- the area that is not made to fulfill all the needs of my heart- than into the other things I was also made for. The things that came before my children (as I’m thinking about how “I wasn’t always like this”). 

I don’t think God picked a random girl off the street to be His mother. He chose one he had a deep, trusting relationship with. How else could she have said “yes”?! How else could she have lived through all He asked of her if He just disappeared after that? Mary’s role as Mother could not be without her preceding role as daughter and then spouse. 

Finding the Light in the Call to Vocation

I’m not trying to be Mary because God did not ask that of me. But He did call me to the vocation I live now. And He called me from where and who I was before. Not to stay that way, but to build upon it. And surely to build upon every relationship I've had and gained since, not to cast them aside because this season with small children is “just so busy”. 

So. Prescription: More time for one-on-one with Jesus. More Father-daughter communication. A little less despair over motherhood and to do better to connect with the community I'm meant to participate in. I am more than just my relationship with my children. Jesus didn't need Mary trying to mother on her own; he needed a mother who was tapped into her other relationships and titles. And I have to trust that if I do the same, then I'll be able to light the way for my children in their own relationship with God just as I’m supposed to, just as Mary did …just as that window in this church.

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Kassie Darbonne is a full-time mom of soon-to-be 4 under 4. With a background in the arts, she keeps creativity alive by orchestrating kid crafts and meals on a budget, developing her church bulletin and media, and a recent undertaking of iconography. Kassie is most passionate about building community and open communication. Her aim is to offer transparency about her own struggles, joys, and observations to develop trust so we can pursue the path of holiness honestly and together. 

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